When I say to the moment flying; "Linger a while -- thou art so fair"

[lapsedmodernist]

Snopes.com, a website that tracks urban myths and classifies them as true, false, or of undetermined origin, ran a story about the CNN fuck-up where in April 2003 when due to a glitch in the system, templates for obits of not-yet-dead people (but some of them already zombies, as evidenced by the main subject of this post) became accessible to the general public through the CNN website. These people included Dick Cheney, Ronald Reagan, Bob Hope, Fidel Castro, Pope John Paul II, Nelson Mandela, and Gerald Ford. The obits abstained from mentioning the terms of contracts with Mephisos that explain why, in fact, some of these people are still not dead despite being UnDead (imagine: in an O. Henry-esque twist, the pomo Mephistophelis (Pomophilsophelis?), instead of either granting his Faustus the Enlightenment/modernist Platonic ideal of whatever is desired, for an ephemeral temporary fixed period, or torturing the Gnostic soul by paradoxing it in its own matrix of gnosticism, now fulfills its end of the contract by turning humans into zombies--sustained liminality via "eternal" unlife complete with eating brains (the simulacrum of consuming knowledge)).

anyway, from this journalistic faux-pas, Snopes salvaged the obit that was created for Dick Cheney, dated for 2001. Now, like I just explained, the man made a deal with the devil, and is now a zombie, and is also possibly an evil robot with evil robot parts designed to do evil and an evil robot heart that has, so far, short-circuited four times, but that has accomplished nothing except blacking out residential blocks in Baghdad, so he is unlikely to die any time soon, unless he find a perfect toad and says to the toad croaking: "Linger a while--thou art so like me" (but since toads, cold-blooded reptiles that they are, are still alive, and the undead ethos is an anathema to any living thing, Cheney's more likely to be all like "I've heard the toads croaking each to each; I do not think that they will croak to me..."). But still, it warmed my heart to see Dick Cheney's obituary, in the wishful-wistful-thinking kind of way, like when you look at a picture of a beautiful fairy, and you are just old enough to know better, but you still wishhope that she will come and shimmer and glow by your window.

Pardon me for the cracked-out nature of this entry, my sleeping schedule leaves a lot to be desired lately, and just enjoy this. I just wish they had put a picture of him as a Lockheed Martin mascot, riding a bomb, a la the dude from Doctor Strangelove.
(thank you sandypnts for webhosting this gem)

Comments

just surfing through, but this caught my eye...

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

...does that box in the lower left really include a link to text talking about Cheney's "Life as Queen Consort"?

Long leave the Queen

[totalvirility.livejournal.com]

Yes, as the last person pointed out, the best thing about the entire thing (other than the wonderful opportunity to picture Cheney dead) is the fact that this template was obviously grabbed from that of the Queen Mother, which establishes an interesting mental connection between the roles of both figures; both famous for being proximate to pointless figureheads, yet one secretely wields an evil power more terrifying than any of us can imagine, while the other complained of head colds and clapped happily whenever anybody came near.
Had the positions been reversed- with the Queen Mother's still-alive face falsely superimposed upon Cheney's memorial webpage, it would have been interesting, as the links invited people to see what the Queen Mum accomplished as CEO of Haliburton, and what her record was on arms production and illegal trading.
If only...

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

oh my god, you guys, i did not even realize that whole thing was going one.

this obit is just becoming more and more amazing.