Schrodinger's Terrorism

[lapsedmodernist]

"There was also the fear that even as officials work feverishly on the case, some of the al-Qaida operatives might go into hiding or halt any terrorist plots. It could also have the opposite effect of pushing al-Qaida cells to accelerate plots in the United States and elsewhere rather than run the risk of being captured."

dude, this is from today's news. i read it and it made me think about how when i was in college and seeing this guy, my friend came up with the ____ translator, to break down and translate things that came out of this guy's mouth into what they really signified. like, "i'll call you" meant "sex was fun!" and "I am not sleeping with anyone else" meant "I am sleeping with everyone else, but you knowing about it would spoil our rapport," and "We should talk about things between us" meant "People in books I've claimed to read would say that," etc. i think a translator like that would be really helpful for all media dispatches originating from the FBI, CIA, homeland security and whatnot. sometimes they almost transcend the mediababble gap and then require only the nominal translation, like when in the height of Code Orange blitz the security rep, doing a promo spot for the go-bag and duct tape: the new black! added that concerned citizens should feel free to add a flask of johnny walker to their terror bags, thus basically saying "we don't know what we are talking about, if there is an attack, you are fucked, but you might as well be drunk out of your minds" (hey, it worked for me after 9-11). But for the most part, the services of this proposed tranlation apparatus would cut through the ineffable ennui that results from being interpollated into a constant stream of logical contradictions posing as linear truth, similar to trying to shake the shit one stepped into off one's shoe, while being so enveloped in the smell of the shit that even though there is awareness of the stench emanating from the shit liberally smeared across your size 9, not despite, but because of your efforts to get rid of it, the nose is desensitized and no longer notices it.

so today's cited paragraph, after being run through the media translator 2000 would read something like:

"There is fear because the governemnt does not know anything except that either something will happen, or something will not happen. Any actions by the governemnt might trigger effect A, but might also trigged effect B that is the opposite of A. So basically something might or might not happen, and the government doing or not doing something might or might not make this something more or less likely to happen or not happen. Therefore we should be able to do anything to anyone. XOXO, The Homeland Security."

Comments

Meta-Translator <small>tm</small>

[tomorrow-devil.livejournal.com]

A little device that you plug in when you need help understanding the implied truth beneath a statement. The Meta-Translator amplifies subtext for the listener until connotation becomes denotation. Its tangible effect is to produce a little voice behind the first one. For this morning's media message, the little voice says, "Either way, homebound citizen, you're probably just as safe either way, and probably just as safe as you always were." God knows what your old boyfiend's second voice (think of one of those Tibetan monks who can produce multiple tones at the same time) would be saying. I don't think I want to find out what the M-T demon has to say about typical guy lines.

Re: Meta-Translator <small>tm</small>

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

yes! the meta-translator! if you purchase it today, you will get a free bonus Pinterpreter, importing subtext into text!
like, any dubya speech would meta-boom "we live in a theocracy now! ha-ha-ha!" at least until all discourse becomes explicitly orwellian, at which point the meta level does not need to be derived, it is incorporated in the fallacies and contradictions of speech. i guess The Big Brother could also have a meta-message via the translator, something along the lines of "whatevah...i signify what i want! take that, symbolic function of language!"


i think the meta-translator applied to my ex would get pretty repetitive, it would just go "i am diachronically challenged, and so commitment-phobic, that i can't finish a sentence without contradicting myself" like a broken record, ad nauseum ad infinatum.

M-T as hearing aide: cynical or deaf?

[tomorrow-devil.livejournal.com]

Well the M-T would really only be fun for people like students, because the only people who wouldn't get bored with the sort of monotonous message that a machine like that would surely bleat out constantly would be students, politicos, and artists - or, you know, just anybody who gets all giddy "reading the unreadable." Yes, and Big Brother would have one, too, because being that students and artists and politicos would be using the M-T, it'd have a certain amount of cultural authority that the Man will want to manipulate. Alas, the general population wouldn't buy our contraptions because when you get right down to it, everything's already explicit, just people are either uninterested or cynical.

On the other hand, it would sell bigtime with psychologists and marriage counselors. Psychics and the sort of people who read the horoscope because they aren't really quite sure what to make of their human relationships would love it too. I wonder if it wouldn't just ultimately be useful for justifying misanthropy.

"all that it takes..."

[(Anonymous)]

a translator isn't needed. ever since the 2000 campaign, he has had one modus operandi -- decide on something (some *simple* thing) and stay with it no matter what, kamakaze-like. during the campaign, they decided the best approach was declare that they were the winners even before the election was held (of course, there was a time in september 2000 when the polls started to fall and the republicans began eating their young). after the inauguration, they set their minds on a tax cut for the wealthy. once they're goal was decided upon, then any logic to attain the goal would do. if 'a' would do the job, then argue 'a'. if not, then argue 'not-a'. "we need a tax cut because the economy is doing so well" "it's not? then we need a tax cut because the economy is not doing so well" "deficits are evil" "they'll prevent us from cutting taxes? then deficits don't matter"

bin laden attacks the u.s. to cause the u.s. to lash out and recruit fighters to his cause. blasting through iraq will be the recruiting tool he needs. but this would prevent the Moron from getting his war (which he thinks will be very popular after it is over -- who cares about thousands of deaths? "a single death is a tragedy. a million deaths is a statistic." if the logic is good enough for stalin, it's good for the shrub/cheney/et all), so they'll argue that the opposite is true.

the moron and rove aren't too bright, so they don't bother with trying to reason about any problem. theirs is the bully's strategy: stick to the bullying until somebody stops them.

"all that it takes for evil to happen is for good men to do nothing." - edmund burke.

Re: "all that it takes..."

[(Anonymous)]

that's also why they're incensed and shrieking about france. somebody is standing up to their bullying.