Phenomenology

[lapsedmodernist]

This is what it´s like to be me for the 24 hours before I have to get on an airplane.

1. Petíte cognitive dissonance episodes where my unconscious sabotages projects related to the impending voyage (i.e. packing, putting passport somewhere I will be able to locate it, etc.)

2. Interjecting into unrelated conversations at random moments "I hate flying" or "I really don't want to fly tomorrow."

3. "What if there is a bag of weed that somehow made its way into my suicase? What if there is an old joint rolling around in the duffel bag lining and the dogs will smell it?"

4. Where the fuck is the passport???

5. Body understands that I don't WANT to fly and thoughtfully starts manifesting symptoms of a cold, flu or sinus infection.

6. Explaining to people who don't yet know any better and try to reassure me with statistics about flying vs. driving that my fear of flying is completely medieval. I understand the physics that keep the plane in the air, but some 14th century part of my brain that really gets the if-she-drowns ---> she-isn't-a-witch syllogisms processes modern advances in aviation as "there is a BIG METAL THING IN THE SKY. This is NOT natural and it WILL fall."

7. Thinking for the millionth time that my class envy only really manifests itlsef around the idea of "luxury travel." I, too, want the matching luggage, in three-piece sets, Goldilocks-style. I, too, want first-class seats and unlimited top-shelf free booze to wash down the vicodin/xanax cocktail. Instead somehow I always end up travelling as a single-person gypsy caravan where there is a bomb threat at the airport AND while the police and their dogs sweep the perimeters (did I check for the hypothetical errant weed as thoroughly as I should have?) my bag rips at the check-in-counter and I end up having to hold it together with some good Samaritan's shoelaces and still, upon arrival at my destination, my bag sails into view on the baggage conveyer belt with my lingerie sticking out like a white flag.^* I surrender, American Airlines! You were born to make Kafka a reality! Ad astra per aspera!^**

8. Getting angry at my parents when they mangle the ritual Russian phrase "have a good takeoff and a soft landing" and screaming "what is WRONG with you?" when they instead wish me "a happy takeoff and a safe landing."

9. It's insomnia all night long, but at least it's made interesting by new exciting ad hoc OCD-ing. Do I smell gas? Is it possible that I lost a contact in my eye months ago and it's somewhere under my upper lid now? I can almost feel it! Is "stewardess" really the longest word you can type with your left hand only using standard touch-type? [On Edit: Donna Martin's Boyfriend correctly weighed in with "stewardesses."] Does my heart hurt?

10. My heart hurts.

11. Where the fuck is the Xanax??

12. Squinting at the bright morning sun produces colored sunspots in field of vision. After I blink the spots dissolve, like white balance setting itself but I can't get rid of the sneaking suspicion that the world around me just got marginally greener or redder and I don't realize it, in the same vein as the epiphany one of my housemates junior year had every time he dropped acid: "dude...what if...what if we never come down from acid? What if we just get used to it, and the next time we trip it´s like the next level...like a videogame!!"

13. Medieval brain pocket activates the eschatological referential mania that peaked about two weeks before Bush War II. EVERYTHING is Totally Apocalyptic in the most solipsistic way possible.

14. Where the fuck is the passport?? redux.

15. Could I have taken a boat? I know Bolivia is landlocked, that is not the point.

16. Nervous flashback to flying to England with anthropapa and asking him "what if the plane crashes?" to which he replied "then they will write about us: they lived happily and died on the same day."

17. Little bottles from the liquor store! I love you, little bottles from the liquor store!

18. Where the fuck is the Vicodin??

19. Ahhhh, Vicodin.

20. Oh SHIT, it's The Ides of March!

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go deal with the logistics stemming from the fact that there seems to be a revolution in progress in the country where I am due to land in about twelve hours.

^*Yes, all this really happened, LAX, June 2000.
^**For a while I considered getting that phrase as a tattoo, mostly because it reminded me of an old Soviet science fiction book that describes what is probably my favorite utopian society imagined in literature. Then one night a couple of years ago I went drinking with some people from college and encountered a total fuckup named Jesse whom I hadn't seen since graduation. He had that tattoo. When I inquired about it he said "oh yeah, it means the sky is the limit, I got it off a Pall Mall pack" Later that night he broke the bartender's arm while armwrestling on a wet bar, put "Jesse's Girl" on repeat in the jukebox, told me "I wish you were Jesse's girl" and before I knew what was happening, planted one on me and then said: "I've wanted to kiss you since before the bartender's arm got broken."

Comments

[la-chispa.livejournal.com]

Happy landings!

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[rootlesscosmo.livejournal.com]

Ad astra per aspera is the state motto of I think Kansas. It means, roughly, "through hardships to the stars," not "the sky's the limit."

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

yes, I know that is what that means. The point is, this retard got it off the Pall Mall pack and didn't even know what it meant.

[rootlesscosmo.livejournal.com]

Oops--sorry.

The Pall Mall pack used to carry the British "lion and unicorn" shield too, as I recall, with the motto "Dieu et mon droit," or--appropriate here--"My God, you're right!"

p.s.

[rootlesscosmo.livejournal.com]

I should have looked at "caveat lector" etc. and figured out you know some Latin...

[amadea.livejournal.com]

OK, there was a hell of a lot of competition, but I think my favorite line definitely = EVERYTHING is Totally Apocalyptic in the most solipsistic way possible.

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

:)

[chelvis.livejournal.com]

I, too, feel your terror. What airline are you flying?

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

Ummm, I don't remember, Some Latin American airline that I am pretty sure I've flown before. The good thing is, even though they are short flights, they are international, so it's big Airbusses rather than those freaky propeller or single-engine horrors that are used for within-country transportation.

[chelvis.livejournal.com]

There is a CHANCE that this page might be of solace:

http://www.airsafe.com/ten_faq.htm

however, DO NOT poke around this web site because some of the pages with statistics are just not worth looking at if you have a fear of flying. Decide beforehand if you want to look at the page at all. Big Airbuses are good, though.

http://www.airsafe.com/by_model.htm

My sympathy goes out to you. Chris

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am a naturalized citizen. I always have problems with my passport upon reentry though because there is something about the fact that it is an American passport that lists my place of birth as Russia and was issued in Guatemala that does not compute with immigration.

For (an) answer to you second question please see this entry
http://www.livejournal.com/users/anthrochica/156193.html

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

well, they didn't sort that out. He went crazy and he still lives at the De Gaulle airport.

Thank you for your wishes! Since I still have Vicodin left over from my wisdom teeth removal, I plan to ingest it in liberal quantities and wash it down with whatever whiskey I can get my hands on in the next three hours. It kind of made the flight from California back to Ecuador bearable.

[akozorez.livejournal.com]

wait, shit... i've been SO out of the loop!!!
are you coming back now?
(keeps her fingers crossed)

are you? are you? are you?!!!

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

you'd be more in the loop if you emailed me, my dear :P

I am going to Bolivia and Peru for a bit to do some filming then to Chicago for a few weeks. I will be back in NYC in May. My most immediate plans are kind of up in the air at the moment (no pun intended) because I can't really wrap my brain around what is going on in Bolivia at the moment and whether maybe it would be a better idea to just get off the plane in Lima and try to get to where I am going to be filming via Peru. But I have to fly back out to the US from Bolivia anyway, so I just don't know. I wonder if Bolivian airport workers are part of the strike. I don't like wondering about things like that three hours before I am going to the airport. Or maybe I should just stay in La Paz and switch into an IMC mode and film the antiglobalization protests. Gah. How are you?

[rezendi.livejournal.com]

Where in Bolivia? I spent a week there not long...um, almost a year ago (shakes head) and it was lovely, much nicer than Peru, although the political tension was palpable.

If you have time, which I imagine you won't, this is a seriously fun day out.

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

Well, there is a video project I want to shoot on Lake Titicaca on the Peru side, so it was easier to get a ticket to La Paz than to try overlanding it from Lima. Until, you know, the labor strike and the road blocks. But if I am not stuck in La Paz I plan to cross over to Peru pretty much immediately and then go to Isla del Sol on the way back. There are many places I would love to see in Bolivia, especially Salar de Uyuni, but unfortunately I won't have the time on this visit. Also it seems like it's a bit difficult to travel around internally now because of all the roadblocks.

Where did you go in Peru?

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

oh yeah, and I tried mountain biking for the first time in my life here in Ecuador, biking down Pichincha, the volcano right ouside of Quito. My hands cramped after, like, twenty minutes, I fell off twice and my final verdict is I prefer horsies.

[rezendi.livejournal.com]

I spent a few days in Lima, flew to Iquitos/the jungle, went to Cusco for the obligatory Inca Trail hike, then bussed to Bolivia. (And wrote about it at some likely tedious length.) Went Cusco to La Paz via Copacabana on the shore of (spellbindingly gorgeous) Lake Titicaca, but did not get out to Isla del Sol or the Floating Islands. Next time - along with Salar de Uyuni, which I too really wanted to visit, and which similarly was denied due to roadblocks.

Your mountain-biking expedition sounds a lot like my horsies experience.

[damiella.livejournal.com]

Do you follow that Russian superstition where you sit down in silence for a moment before a trip?

V'dobriy chas!

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

yes, but I always wonder if it works when I am alone because part of the ritual is getting up in order of youngest to eldest and you can't really do that if you are by your lonesome self. Anyway, I do it. Medieval brain compartment ensures obsessive adherence to any and all superstitions in the 24 hour period before flying.

[damiella.livejournal.com]

I never heard the part about getting up eldest to youngest; my parents and I never followed that part of it.

Have a safe trip. You'll be fine! Take a valium or something if you get too nervous.

[boymaenad.livejournal.com]

figure out which parts of you are the youngest, or perhaps look the youngest (the Fates are very busy and really only spot-check for audit purposes) and make sure they elevate first.

I figure it should start with your hair, scalp first of course, then your skin, subderma first, and eventually end with your bone structure and ova. tricky, but it must be refreshing to get some fresh air before a flight. :)

[mashuta.livejournal.com]

i, too, have never heard about the youngest-to-oldest rule. what backwards country do YOU come from, dearie?! I suspect that the whole sit-down-before-leaving ritual is a good time to 1. think through everything you were supposed to bring, and wonder if you've packed it 2. reflect upon people around you, especially if you're leaving them behind 3. feel sad and break down and cry and have your loved ones carry you out, kicking and screaming. hehe. ok maybe not THAT dramatic. but i gotta say, i am SO glad i was 14 when i left russia and not an iota older. (younger would have been better for trauma, but in retrospect, i like to have all this cultural baggage to lug around with me)

as for the whole medival BIG METAL WEINER IN SKY PACKED WITH MEATY HUMAN GOODNESS angst - can i marry you? now?
(altho i'd never dare to take strange substances like cold-meds/pain-relievers/alcohol before or during flying - it would just freak me out more! aaaiiii!!!

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

I often think about the advantages and liabilities of immigrating at 14. In some way that seems like the prime age to be forever doomed to an Escheresque fishbird existence. I always joke that my alienation from my native culture and inherent incapacity to ever be fully integrated into my adopted culture makes me an overdetermined anthropologist. I imagine 14 is similar. I don't know, as a result I have all these weird cognitive dissonances, like not being able to talk about sex in Russian and emoting differently and my moratorium on ever dating a Russian boy.
as for the whole medival BIG METAL WEINER IN SKY PACKED WITH MEATY HUMAN GOODNESS angst - can i marry you? now?
Not unless you are in New Paltz. This is the second expression of desire/intent to marry me on this thread, btw.

it would just freak me out more! aaaiiii!!!
And how would it do that if you are totally unconsious, which is the objective in such an endeavor? I don't know, though, half the time I get all control freaky about being unconscious and then I end up half-sedated which works half the time. Damn this sentence is like that logical twisteroo where if you keep dividing a distance in halves you can never cross it.

[mysteryjesse.livejournal.com]

I'll set aside a little good luck charm for you - I have a collection of random objects, pictures, coins, etc., that I have decided are auspicious in one way or another, or lucky, or something like that. Here are some, you may pick one if you like:


They like having purposes, even temporary ones, so your choice will be set aside as your stateside good luck charm while you fly. Anything catch your eye? One of the pennies is 1950, the other is 1968 (the white album), the nickel is 1941.

yours,
jesse

[boobirdsfly.livejournal.com]

I love collages like these !!!!

Sorry Chica about the panic attacks.You have enough self sarcasm to post about it but it does sound very hellish. Breathing is the best advice i can come up with. (*sorry advice of mine*)

About the jesse arm wresting story, that is *goood* material for a short play ! can I write it, if i change all the name and put a disclaimer ie Except in the case of public figures who are the subjects of satire, the names of entities and persons referred to are completely fictitious, and any resemblance to real entities or persons, either living or dead, is purely coincidental. ...

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

OMG, the cigarettes box, please!!!

Now, what is that polaroid? Is that you screaming into a bullhorn?

[mysteryjesse.livejournal.com]

OK, I set it on the shelf in front of all the other good luck charms, everything'll be just fine.

Yes, that's what I'm doing! I used to work for a photographer, and we were shooting the coach of the US olympic rowing team. I was the stand-in for our polaroid tests. I also have one of me as a blind jujitsu master who made a pile of money in the stock market, but I'm just standing there.

good luck!

yours,
jesse

[isolt.livejournal.com]

Ouch, I sympathise. My boy is dragging my phobic ass onto a plane for the first time next Monday. It is a short flight fortunately.

[profundamente.livejournal.com]

i feel you on the "does my heart hurt?" worry. there is nothing worse than being in bed all alone and becoming *convinced* that, although you rarely experience any heart problems, tonight will be the night that yr heart will betray you and cramp up during sleep. i experienced this a few weeks back after taking in some chinese herbal tea and felt that death was immanent. ugh. i would rather have nightmares - more drama, but they end much quicker.

[spawnsong.livejournal.com]

i don't think a future event (in this case flying tomorrow) counts as a phenomenon.

besides, pre-flight checlist: vicodin+alcohol+somebody to take your ass to the airport and make sure you don't keel over before you're actually on the plane. good luck. if you make it, we'll get married.

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

phenomenology is the heuristic based subjective personal experience. It does not index a future even (flight) but rather an ongoing representation of my state of consciousness leading up to that even, and thus it chronologues the present or at least the collapsed iconic present.

[spawnsong.livejournal.com]

I asked some people more knowledgable than I the follwing question:


"Would it be correct to say that a phenomenological extrapolation from an event/experience does not need to be time indexed, or time specific? That, for example, a subjective self-consciouss exposition of one's feelings in anticipation of a future event (getting on a plane, for instance, when one is terrified of flying) can be deemed phenomenological even though the event in question has yet to occur?"


I got the following response:


"First of all, all experiences are "time indexed" in a certain sense. Husserl beleives that each puctual moment of time contains within it a horizon of past and future. Meaning that I right now as I type am retaining the words that I put down already, while at the same time keeping in mind the point of the sentence in order to reach it...
...There is no need to question the validity of the experience because it has not yet happened, because in a certain sense it already has as the protentive aspect of the present experience. So it is not that expereinces are not time-indexable, but rather that the time-indexing is precisely what allows one to have the experience of fear in the first place."

So you win, and i learn something about Phenomenology...a rare feat. Your victory kiss awaits you without a satute of limitations.

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

erm, event.

[mjmj.livejournal.com]

if only we could bring back travel by wagon train, but without the donner party cannibalism. those people who travelled by covered wagon *really* got to see the country.

when flying at night recently, i was looking out the window (at 30,000 feet or something) at the pretty lights of lots of towns and cities. of course, i had no idea which places i was looking at. it made me nervous seeing all of those places, i think, because they looked fragile being lights in oceans of darkness, but also because i kept thinking "there's NO way we can keep all of this going."

[dreamgoat.livejournal.com]

stewardesses?

*Hug.* You'll be fine, but I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

thank you sweetie.

Did you get my last email (a while ago)? Did the 4-6 week delayed chia pet manifest itself? are you going to the reunion? drop me a line.

[serpina.livejournal.com]

oh, dude. me too. and this time it was all filtered through the lens of "i'm so tired i can hardly see straight" and i ended up getting there too late to make the flight. so secretly i'm relieved to sit here under the skylight with the rain falling overhead santa monica and wait until tonight to go to detroit. i hate flying. i hate flying. but i live for travel . . .

good luck!! and safe travels to you.