A "meme"

[lapsedmodernist]

Not really, let's say it's a survey.

I am always interested in people's keychains because I think of keychains as random variables. People put thought and planning into other decorations, of their person or living spaces, but most people come by keychains in ways that don't always involve choice or planning. Keychains get lost, found, given as gag gifts, appear as freebies from loathsome or obscure institutions, fashioned out of random household objects, in a way they are transitory as pens or lighters, but more singular. People's keychains often don't match the rest of their "style" or match it in some hyper-exaggerated way. Let me give you some examples:

1. My friend P. is an exteremely fashionable "hipster" photographer who lives in Brooklyn. I love her so I mean it all in the best way, but when I first met her I thought she was way too cool to want to be my friend. She accesorizes, nothing in her home is random, she is stylish from her yoga clothes to her wine picks. Her keychain is a beer bottle-opener with an Americana eagle on it. It is not ironic, because she is not hipster in that 50-s/retro/atomic era/kitschy way. She does not drink beer. She shares my politics. She came into the ownership of this keychain in some random way I don't remember at the moment.

2. When I first started dating my ex-boyfriend J. I noticed that his keys to his apartment were obviously the same set that he received from his landlady--complete with the "keychain" which was one of those plastic holders containing the address of the building and the apartment. I pointed out to him that perhaps it wasn't the best idea in the world to have his home address on the keychain which held the keys to his apartment. He agreed and I fashioned him a keychain on the spot, from a little level I had lying around on my windowsill, one of those glass things with bright liquid inside, from the hardware store. It turned out to be a cool prop that people commented on, like it was somehow signified something about his personality when really it was a circumstantial whim. Like the sandwich crusts in "Closer."

3. I often see very functional people with the most incongrous keychains--fuzzy, or sparkly, or some other normative-"out there" accent. Conversely, I often see totally disorganized people with they keychain being the only locus of their organization, like they would never even have a daily planner, but they have some little drab chewed-up notebook of a keychain where they jot down things they later cannot decipher.

My keychain of the moment is a bizarre "abstract" contraption made "from airplane parts." I procured it while really hung over in Winston-Salem, NC on some post-inhebriated mimetic/totemic superstition tip that if I had a keychain made from airplane parts it would somehow do something either for my chances of dying in a plane crash or for my fear of flying.

So, what's on your keychain?

P.S. Keychain with real scorpion! Great gift for guy!

On Edit: my last keychain that I had for a year before switching to Airplane Parts contained a leatherman and a WTC keychain that I got as a present from one of the collectors I interviewed for my documentory. It features the tops of the Twin Towers in the clouds and the caption reads "Top of the World." That was the only souvenier that I acquired while making that documentary that I really liked.

Comments

[lolaraincoat.livejournal.com]

My key chain at the moment is a fairly heavy chrome item which I got at a souvenir shop in the basement of the Basilica of the Virgin of Guadalupe during my eternally fruitless search for virgencita underpants (I know they exist, an ex-colleague of mine had a pair, and I have never found any of my own; they are my obscure object of.) It is shaped like an eagle head in profile (a la the Mexican flag) and has a little inset St. Anthony on one side and Virgencita on the other. And the beak is designed for use as a bottle opener. So it is spiritual, patriotic, and useful in several material ways. However it draws annoying amounts of attention while going through airport security so I have a fallback keychain for traveling which consists of a plasticky ribbon-thing, faded pink, from Our Lord of the Good Death cathedral in Salvador do Bahia.

boring

[rootlesscosmo.livejournal.com]

Key ring--1 1/4 inch split ring type. Holds 1 car key, key to downstairs gate, key to garage door, key to upstairs door, 30-year-old Swiss army knife with 1 broken blade.

Like my usual clothing, an exercise in what I once called (to slanderous the politics of inconspicuousness.

Re: boring

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

please elaborate further on your clothing style.

Re: boring

[rootlesscosmo.livejournal.com]

I'm a 62 year old white man, medium height, average weight including a slight but not grotesque paunch. Light brown hair cut short, blue eyes. I usually wear khakis, t-shirts or sweatshirts (no slogans, no band tour schedules, no advertising), Hush Puppies, a blue nylon windbreaker.

My dad taught me that calling attention to oneself by dress or hairstyle or facial hair (etc.) was both a sign of unimaginativeness and a good way to attract the notice of the cops--never desirable. He even added that one should wear bow ties, rather than four-in-hands, to demonstrations, so a cop couldn't grab the tie and choke you--bow ties simply come un-knotted when yanked. (Of course he meant real tied bow ties, not clip-ons.) He was a strange mixture of snob and ouvrieriste (which is probably a kind of snobbery too) and I find--especially as I grow older--that I've adopted quite a few of his ways of getting through life, though not necessarily for the same reasons. The idea was that all the good things--and you could tell which they were, because the people with the money to choose anything chose these and not others--belonged by right to the workers, so we should claim them: Bach, Brooks Brothers, the Enlightenment, Marxist economics, Lapsang Souchong tea...

[watchamacallit.livejournal.com]

Right now all I use for a keychain is an old 'key fob' made my a college friend. I helped him study for philosophy exam and he, as a jewelry major, fashioned a key fob out of silver and gold. It's a simple silver loopy thing with a gold knob at the end.

Those stupid little store cards have poisoned my keys as well... Shaw's supermarket, Stop & Shop, CVS, PetCo.

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

what exactly is a "key fob"?

[congogirl.livejournal.com]

I have one in my purse, a little loop that I can attach the keychain to so my keys don't end up on the bottom.

[watchamacallit.livejournal.com]

it's much smaller than a key chain and doesn't even have a big loop thing to attach keys to. for decorative purposes only. at last that what i thought it was.

[mycrust.livejournal.com]

My keychain consists of a blue leather change purse that I bought on the streets of Budapest five years ago. For reasons I cannot explain, it is always empty, save for a Shaw's supermarket discount card which has a hole punched in it and could much more reasonably be stored on the keyring itself.

[cataptromancer.livejournal.com]

My keychain is a brass mandorla-shaped thing with the seal of my somewhat hoity-toity episcopal HS. I have no fricking idea why I have it. I think it was given to me for graduation almost a decade ago, and I for some reason have not moved on. Iconoclam just got me a homestarrunner keychain, so I think I might make the switch. And yet this pointless little strip of brass has been with me so long.

[fengi.livejournal.com]

Alas my keychain is but a "churchkey" (bottle opener), which has proven useful at many a party where such things are rare, especially as my peers grow older (thus more bottled beer) but not up (not more bottle openers). At one time it had a slogan on it from some friend who had money and the penchant for spending it on ridculously professional self promotion. That rubbed off about 1 week in. The keychain has gained significance because I've gone 5 years plus without losing it, after being a habitual key loser (which is why my keychains are so boring).

Y'know, this is the second story about you blessing a boyfriend with something which augments their personality (on the surface at least). This is not a bad thing, in the dating realm, it's better to be the one who augments than the augmented (although it changes from romance to romance).

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

This is not a bad thing, in the dating realm, it's better to be the one who augments than the augmented (although it changes from romance to romance).

Now I am trying to think if I have ever been "augmented" and how it´s different from the natural exchange of books/music/items that occurs when you are in a relationship.

Someone I was dating once gave me a present of a totally awesome whiskey flask with a cigarette compartment. While I don´t think it augmented my personality, it certainly contributed to my style. I got (and still get) many compliments about it.

[apropos.livejournal.com]

My keychain is a hideously ugly chrome heart-shaped timepiece that my aunt, a perennial bad judge of taste, bought me for Christmas a couple years ago. I hold onto it because I don't have a wristwatch, and it's actually made a big difference in my life. Really, really ugly though.

[trochee.livejournal.com]

My keychain is a cheap stainless-steel carabiner with two rings that hang from it. One has a 79-cent dark green plastic bottle-opener that I bought on a whim in a university bookstore. The other ring has five keys and a plastic QFC bit with a bar code for a fake person living in Washington DC (because I could remember 10000).

One key (the lab key) is much bigger than the rest.

[castironskillet.livejournal.com]

I have three house keys on one tiny ring, and one car key on another, both attached to a tiny little keeper. Lately the keeper also has a USB flashdrive on it.

[mysteryjesse.livejournal.com]

a charming photo.

yours,

jesse

[mysteryjesse.livejournal.com]

Well, blurry is part, but I found the idea of someone dangling a little plastic heart in front of a camera to be very charming.

yours,

jesse

[mysteryjesse.livejournal.com]

I'm always getting comments on the sheer number of keys I have - very "janitor chic." The whole mess centers around a gaffer's rigging thingy from a light rig I helped put up at a rock club I used to work at. Other than that, there isn't anything decorative, although some keys get left on the ring as decoration. The house I grew up in had skeleton key locks, and I have one of those keys on the ring even though the house was sold five years ago. A drumkey and a radiator bleeder key share a little ring, and the total number of keys is a nice round twenty. I'm paranoid about losing my keys, so there's a little belt loop clip on a smaller gaff rigging.

yours,

jesse

[mysteryjesse.livejournal.com]

here it is:

[claudelemonde.livejournal.com]

i don't have a keychain. they're on the big ring my car keys came on.

now i feel inadequate. don't have a keychain, don't get to see blue-footed boobies....

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

do you want me to get you a keychain of a blue-footed booby?

[claudelemonde.livejournal.com]

aww, that's sweet, but i'll hold off. i think i didn't even realize until yourpost that i don't have one, and now i'm thinking of all the great tacky nautical shops around here. i bet i can get a one-legged fisherman or something.

[museumfreak.livejournal.com]

I used to have an AMAZING collection of keychains on my bookbag.

However, I have since changed bookbags, and currently since I live at home and my parents are insane and won't trust me with keys and I don't drive, I only have one carrel key, which lives in my wallet. I also have a work key that doesn't permanently live with me, but when it is with me it lives there too.

[mjmj.livejournal.com]

simple steel circle. bike lock key, car key, mailbox key, small swiss army knife combo, house key, and some of those things that get scanned. i wish it were simpler: house key/bike lock. perfection would be no locks, but i don't expect to ever end up living in a place (and time) where that's possible.

[mjmj.livejournal.com]

this reminds me of one of those onion "numbers we live by" surveys, where they list some percentages under a title such as "where did i leave my goddam keys?"

[zleetle.livejournal.com]

I've had a Squirtle keychain for the past four years or so - he used to shoot water out of a hole in his mouth but now has a large rip in his backside which ruined the suction. He helps balance my keys so I can thread them through my belt loop instead of lumping them in a pocket. I almost got a pokeball keychain to match but I kind of like him being free.

wow, you found the alacran

[(Anonymous)]

when i lived in mexico in 1989, my mother was nearly killed by a scorpion of the deadly variety while teaching first grade, but fortunately it stuck to some masking tape and couldn't sting/spray her. she told her ESL students of the misadventure, and as an congenially ironic going away present they gave her that very keychain you advertised. wow! i haven't seen one in years, though the original might still be in her attic.

i still use my 1997 ex's half-broken green carabiner as a keychain, and i always add a small leatherman, no matter how many times customs officials make me give it up, because having mini-scissors on hand becomes essential, as you might have already discovered, at least 7 times per month.

-A, the un-LJ-er

Re: wow, you found the alacran

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

damn, your mom's got that? Damn.

I know, I need scissors! I don´t do manicures and I like to keep my nails short (I love pedicures, though, go figure). Anyway, the point is, I miss my Leatherman which is in Princeton at the moment. We are all very proud.

I have never had any of my knives confiscated but I do have several tubes of mace in various airports across the country.

[never-the-less.livejournal.com]

these are my keys:

(i.e. no real keychain)

though the woman who owns one of my favorite lunch places recently gave me this:

and i am thinking about using it. If you have any idea what is going on with her outfit please let me know.

[isolt.livejournal.com]

That's Rinoa from Final Fantasy 8. Her outfit is a nonsensical video game outfit.

[twotoedsloth.livejournal.com]

Ooo ooo ooo! My house and bike keys are on a ring attached to a little leather guitarpick holder with the Old Town School of Folk Music logo. I love it... it shouts guitar player and total nerd in one gesture. I used to just keep my work keys on a ring, but since the dept. gave me a jump drive... is a jump drive a keychain ornament if you keep it on your key ring? Or is it a key? Before that I had one with an orange plastic thingy with the name and address of the locksmith.

[mjmj.livejournal.com]

> is a jump drive a keychain ornament if you keep it on your key ring? Or is it a key?

it CAN be a key. you can keep copies of files that you use for accessing computers in a secure manner. you load those files into memory from your (USB flash) drive, where they reside for the security programs to use while you are logged on. this is a better place (both in memory and on your flash drive) to keep this information than on your hard drive, where hackers will seek it out and more easily find that information.

(because the above was nothing but informational, insert joke here about the secret Total Information gov't group.)

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

wait, OT, but...where are you??? and how are things? What is the prognosis on the Marxist shacklemeter?

[twotoedsloth.livejournal.com]

update to come

[buttler.livejournal.com]

my keychain has a black leather oval attached to it, the width an oreo would be if it were an oval rather than a circle, with a longhorn logo indented into it. i'd like to say someone gave it to me while i was briefly living in texas, but i seem to remember actually buying it on a whim. there's also a beer bottle opener that at one time had the spin magazine logo on it, but that's long since worn away.

[congogirl.livejournal.com]

I used to carry around a heavy silver disc with Ganesh on it that I got in a fabric store in Madurai. But it was too heavy. Now I have a green bottle opener that my housemate brought from Utah, because we drink so much Skol and there is never one handy. I brought heavier duty bottle opener keychains back from Cheers in Boston, because Linda has opened so many bottles of beer that hers is already worn down.

[isolt.livejournal.com]

For a long time, my keychain was a rather large steel ring (several inches in diameter) with a key ring attached to it, from which hung my keys and some assorted random other keychains that I had liked. I eventually had to pare down the extra things hanging from it, and then lost the whole thing when my purse was stolen two years ago. I loved the giant steel ring though, as it was easy to find in purses and I could put it on my wrist if I needed to hold on to it while doing something else.

I drifted keychain-wise for awhile after the theft, but for the last forever I've been using a keychain given gratis to my boyfriend by the company he works for. It's attractive, nondescript brushed metal, except for the company logo. It's easy to get keys on and off it, and has a keychain on one side and a detachable car key thing on the other, which I love. But of course I can never find it in my purse.

[saintpeg.livejournal.com]

Wow, popular not-meme.
I am obsessively minimal about my keys. Carrying around unnecessary keys is like carrying emotional baggage -- tools that aim to provide access to inaccessible segments of your biography. But I do have a single extraneous one: my bike lock key from Oberlin.
I'm also ruthlessly minimal about keychains, and I think that it's because of my mother. She always carried around a huge loop with, seriously, dozens of keys and accessories--my dad's drum key, a key with some Catholic deity, keys to multiple dysfunctional cars from our family's past...granted, this was very useful for a little girl when she got separated from her mother. You could always find her by her jingle jangle jingle. But I prefer a bit of stealth in my approach.
My keychain is a pewter oval I've had since high school. It bears the logo for CBC Radio Canada (very art deco: two lightning bolts cradling the outline of the country). I bought it in Toronto when I was 17 at the CBC building gift shop, because I was obsessed with post-midnight CBC radio shows (Brave New Waves and Nightlines) throughout highschool. This, of course, led to me getting no sleep through grades 9-12, and certainly exacerbated my coffee addiction.
Two Valentines Days ago, on the Santa Monica pier, Zubin and I played arcade games and won little toys. One was a little wooden boat that we tossed out to sea. One was a very small red heart-shaped padlock which now lives on my keyring.

[boymaenad.livejournal.com]

I am also minimalist; my parents (why do I talk to you so often about my parents?) subconsciously consider possessions the most important measure of their worth, and having lots of keys is second only to a wallet bizarrely and stupidly overstuffed with hundreds. and I just don't like being weighed down by anything; it's enough to have to wear clothing in the first place.

from memory, on my small steel ring I have: main house key, secondary house key for random other locks (might should give up on the whole 'choice-of-ways-to-lock-house' paradigm as I've yet to use it these four years, but the idea is in case I need a quick solution to 'uh-oh, so-and-so may have a key'), po box key, bike lock key, key to lawnmower, key to purple minivan, tiny pretty shiny silver bright-LED button-flashlight which looks kind of like a slick, stylized UFO.

[alice-ayers.livejournal.com]

My key chain was in a gift bag I got from a Fashion Week party three years ago, a white leather flower by Coach. It used to have a Duane Reade discount tag but because it fell apart there is now only one discount tag, a frequent book buyer tag from Havard Book Store. My key chain now has Williamsburg, Washington Heights and Chelsea apartment keys on it, plus two keys I can't identify, a beautiful skeleton key I found in a Massachusetts parking lot and my father's house key.