I need opinions of people other than myself on this

So remsaverem is coming to NYC for annual Thanksgiving debauchery (and by debauchery I mean some serious PJs-clad Buffy watching and raids upon Beacon's closet). There a whole thing where I am keeping a turkey in the bathroom on a liquid whiskey diet, but under the influence of Jameson the turkey has turned into a quaint Dickensonian drunk, it sings drinking songs in Olde Yenglish and even learned some Russian jokes, so obviously it's not going to be a Thanksgiving meal now. It's going to be My Little Turkey Mr. Gilbert. Everyone, say hi to Mr. Gilbert. So my question is: if I cook a store-bought turkey in whiskey, will that result in a) a yummy feast, b) a gross culinary equivalent of Frankenstein's monster that will demand a mate and run off to the Arctic, or c) a fire on my stove? It's scenario C that I am concerned about. Because, you know, alcohol. Whiskey & flames seems like a bad combo outside of a metaphorical realm. But people cook with wine. And there is vodka sauce. Help! My cooking repertoire pretty much consists of mashed potatoes and an atavistic offering from my childhood: the Lemon Zoo which is what happens when you soak bread in water, sprinkle liberally with lemon juice, make primitivist "animals" out of the resulting dough, fry it in the pan, and make your parents eat it. I am no cook! I only just bought the Joy of Cooking at a thrifstore for a dollar, (and, incidentally, I hear universaldonor reads it for fun, especially the recipies involving brains, which proves beyond all doubt that universaldonor's intimate and anthropological knowledge of zombies is explained by the old adage "it takes one to know one"). So I need the input of all of you people who actually know how to cook. Come on, I know all of you girls can work that stove! It is the un-50s after all! Get with the program!

cinema veriterror

I kept playing with my new camera last night, making "movies" of constintina, nuncstans and superchango; mostly trying to learn to zoom and focus on this camera. but i wish i had taped what transpired when they first came over, because then i could cut it together with other moments in the evening, creating a three-minute, or whatever, snapshot of post-code-orange life. cuz every few months the aforementioned people and sometimes totalvirility and myself have conversations that are some sort of variation on yesterday.

We are sitting around, a plane landing noise is heard, as usual, because we live near La Guardia. nuncstans twitches. I comment on the twitching. she says that's nothing, superchango has been super-paranoid for the last 24 hours. i unwisely ask why. he explains about a story about cargo plains crashing into buildings, bridges and nuclear plants, and DC and NYC muslims encouraged to leave the cities, and how this story is all over the international news, but not US press (we end up seeing a diluted version of it on CNN later on). i start twitching and longing for chicago, then the usual conversation of is it true/is it planted/what does it mean that we're not on code orange, should we turn CNN on on mute so that we know if something happens (hahahah, get it? it's a joke, because CNN does not report shit), we are mad and reminiscing about the very special Valentine's Day Code Orange, we eat Indian food and twitch, twitch, twitch every time a plane goes over particularly low.

and the thing is, it's typical at this point. that's why i wish i had videotaped it. because every few months this happens, and we twitch while commenting that the administration wants to keep us terrified. well, i am sure i will get another opportunity.