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Snopes.com, a website that tracks urban myths and classifies them as true, false, or of undetermined origin, ran a story about the CNN fuck-up where in April 2003 when due to a glitch in the system, templates for obits of not-yet-dead people (but some of them already zombies, as evidenced by the main subject of this post) became accessible to the general public through the CNN website. These people included Dick Cheney, Ronald Reagan, Bob Hope, Fidel Castro, Pope John Paul II, Nelson Mandela, and Gerald Ford. The obits abstained from mentioning the terms of contracts with Mephisos that explain why, in fact, some of these people are still not dead despite being UnDead (imagine: in an O. Henry-esque twist, the pomo Mephistophelis (Pomophilsophelis?), instead of either granting his Faustus the Enlightenment/modernist Platonic ideal of whatever is desired, for an ephemeral temporary fixed period, or torturing the Gnostic soul by paradoxing it in its own matrix of gnosticism, now fulfills its end of the contract by turning humans into zombies--sustained liminality via "eternal" unlife complete with eating brains (the simulacrum of consuming knowledge)).
anyway, from this journalistic faux-pas, Snopes salvaged the obit that was created for Dick Cheney, dated for 2001. Now, like I just explained, the man made a deal with the devil, and is now a zombie, and is also possibly an evil robot with evil robot parts designed to do evil and an evil robot heart that has, so far, short-circuited four times, but that has accomplished nothing except blacking out residential blocks in Baghdad, so he is unlikely to die any time soon, unless he find a perfect toad and says to the toad croaking: "Linger a while--thou art so like me" (but since toads, cold-blooded reptiles that they are, are still alive, and the undead ethos is an anathema to any living thing, Cheney's more likely to be all like "I've heard the toads croaking each to each; I do not think that they will croak to me..."). But still, it warmed my heart to see Dick Cheney's obituary, in the wishful-wistful-thinking kind of way, like when you look at a picture of a beautiful fairy, and you are just old enough to know better, but you still wishhope that she will come and shimmer and glow by your window.
Pardon me for the cracked-out nature of this entry, my sleeping schedule leaves a lot to be desired lately, and just enjoy this. I just wish they had put a picture of him as a Lockheed Martin mascot, riding a bomb, a la the dude from Doctor Strangelove.
(thank you sandypnts for webhosting this gem)
anyway, from this journalistic faux-pas, Snopes salvaged the obit that was created for Dick Cheney, dated for 2001. Now, like I just explained, the man made a deal with the devil, and is now a zombie, and is also possibly an evil robot with evil robot parts designed to do evil and an evil robot heart that has, so far, short-circuited four times, but that has accomplished nothing except blacking out residential blocks in Baghdad, so he is unlikely to die any time soon, unless he find a perfect toad and says to the toad croaking: "Linger a while--thou art so like me" (but since toads, cold-blooded reptiles that they are, are still alive, and the undead ethos is an anathema to any living thing, Cheney's more likely to be all like "I've heard the toads croaking each to each; I do not think that they will croak to me..."). But still, it warmed my heart to see Dick Cheney's obituary, in the wishful-wistful-thinking kind of way, like when you look at a picture of a beautiful fairy, and you are just old enough to know better, but you still wishhope that she will come and shimmer and glow by your window.
Pardon me for the cracked-out nature of this entry, my sleeping schedule leaves a lot to be desired lately, and just enjoy this. I just wish they had put a picture of him as a Lockheed Martin mascot, riding a bomb, a la the dude from Doctor Strangelove.
(thank you sandypnts for webhosting this gem)
