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Last night I saw the new Lara Croft movie. I am not normally into movies based on video games, but a) I think that Angelina Jolie is the sexiest woman alive, and I will watch her, transfixed, in ANYTHING (although i have to give anti-props to "Life or Something Like It" for making her look like crap, an impossible task, and yet) and b) I have the kind of professional masochism that draws me to pop-culture portrayals of archaeology and anthropology (as my boyfriend put it afterwards: "She is supposed to be an archaeologust, right? Why the fuck is she riding a motorbike on THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA?"). But this movie was amazing not just because of the insane imaginary of what archaeology is like that it presents--that's not new, and the mix of James Bond/Indiana Jones archetypes makes sense for a Hollywood recipe. No, the truly incredible aspect of that movie lies in the visual semiotics of colonialism, postcolonialism and globalization that unfolds before your eyes as you sit there going "what the fuck?"
First of all, the movie has no shortage of random exotic locales. And I do mean random. Places identified by screen titles appearing in James-Bond-type-script (like SHANGHAI AIR BASE) are, like, all of a sudden: KAZAKHSTAN PRISON--and there is some inexplicable X-Files-type prison amidst a flurry of Russian snow (cuz Russia means snow!) with a burly, surly head honcho whose shaved head and rough accent imply that anal rape and consumption of petrolium-based vodka are the staples of the daily routine. Why are we privy to this prison? I couldn't tell you, because the person that Lara Croft has come to get from this Big House is, apparently, a traitor to England, arrested and locked up by MI-6. After some misdemeanors in China. Why is he in a prison in Kazakhstan? Your guess is as good as mine. But it does not stop there. The geographical bricolage (to put it kindly) of this movie incorporates London, the aforementioned Central Asian republic, random locales in China, Hong Kong, and some general-domain "Africa," the kind with zebras, wise tribal men and a mandatory "primitive" drum-beat soundtrack. Through all of these landscapes, Lara and her morally questionable and steroid-enhanced sidekick, with just the faintest whiff of the IRA about him, fly and glide like white gods. Really. You get all these shots of amazed locals who are shocked and awed by the incredible stunts of these two uber-white people doing everything the "white man" was mythologized as capable of in old colonial narratives--flying, fire in the sky, shit like that. And the flip side of the narrative is in place as well; the movie is filled with exotic "others" none of whom have names or really any role in the plot except to serve as human foliage and spew their respective cultural stereotypical "words of wisdom" when engaged in dialogue by Lara Croft, who in apparent fits of glossalia, is able to communicate with, like, whoever. For me the most amazing moment in the movie was the following scene: A random family in Hong Kong (or is it China? I am not sure, because this movie has a well-oiled reified "Oriental" aesthetic that is as monolithic as Leibnitz's monads) is sitting in their decrepit lower-class/Third World quarters, watching Sponge Bob Square Pants, in one of many flashes of "global culture"/monoculture in the movie (where, btw, it's unclear whether they are some attempt at social critique (but prolly not), a complicit wink to status quo masquerading as verisimilitude, or keeping the movie's finger on the pulse of what's actually going on, or a way to get an American child to laugh, delightedly and moronically and point at the screen and create a little syllogism in his little head that Asian people watch Bob Square Pants too, so we are all really the same! or product placement). Lara barges in, flying through the window or something. She, like, needs a TV set ASAP to transmit the images of the orb that holds the key to Pandora's box that, in turn, holds the plague that is the essence of anti-life or something that some Nobel-Prize winning scientist wants to sell to bioterrorists for murky, Stupid-Nietzschean reasons, so she's all like, can I use your TV set? Then we get shot after shot of completely transfixed Asian family passively watching as Lara fucks around with their TV, literally taking BUBBLE GUM out of the little girl's mouth to aid her in her jerririgging. Lara gets the TV to do whatever high-tech gadget thing that is required by the plot, and as increasingly ridiculous and trippy events unfold, including her having a vision of the Cradle of Life from the title (where the Box in question supposedly resides) that is primal and tribal in some fucked-up Clan-of-the-Cave-Bear collective-memory type way. The family watches the feats of the milky-white, stratosphere-of-upper-class Lara as she transforms their TV from a source of lowest-common-denominator US cultural phenomenon to a portal of Knowledge about the Mystery of Life (pivoting around a classical Ancient Greek myth, like can you get more uber-Western than that?). Then she casts off her cloak and gives it to the little girl (barter for bubble gum, perchance?) and hops off to Africa, leaving the little girl to relay the message to her Questionable Companion that "[Lara] went to Kilimanjaro to play with the elephants."
I will spare you a long rant on "Africa: the Lara Croft version." Suffice to say that in another weird mixed-message globalization moment, the first time we encounter Lara's Bushman guide, he is driving in a Jeep or a Landrover in full tribal getup, talking on a cell phone. Ethnic wisdom is dispensed, disregarded by foolish white men, but heeded by Lara, as the random African tribe proves to be helpful because it is endowed with all the "positive" stereotypes projected onto "white man's burden" in colonial discourse--"they" are intuitive/spiritial/close to nature/ying to the yang of Western Rationality, and therefore they speak in platitudes worthy of Confucius Lite (shit, wrong continent, but the movie does not seem to care, so why should I?). So Pandora's box is found at the Heart of Darkness and moral crises ensue and are resolved and the world is safe. Then follows the coda "humor" of the reunion between Lara and her two assistants that are being dressed/painted in the traditional tribal way, and it turns out they are unaware that they are being prepped for a marriage ceremony. Cuz those wacky natives wanna marry the white people so bad! So they flee the threatening interpollation in abject horror. It was just incredible to watch. I do recommend the movie, though. I really do. It could have used a lot less character development, but otherwise, it is an experience. So experience it! Just make sure you smoke a lot first.
First of all, the movie has no shortage of random exotic locales. And I do mean random. Places identified by screen titles appearing in James-Bond-type-script (like SHANGHAI AIR BASE) are, like, all of a sudden: KAZAKHSTAN PRISON--and there is some inexplicable X-Files-type prison amidst a flurry of Russian snow (cuz Russia means snow!) with a burly, surly head honcho whose shaved head and rough accent imply that anal rape and consumption of petrolium-based vodka are the staples of the daily routine. Why are we privy to this prison? I couldn't tell you, because the person that Lara Croft has come to get from this Big House is, apparently, a traitor to England, arrested and locked up by MI-6. After some misdemeanors in China. Why is he in a prison in Kazakhstan? Your guess is as good as mine. But it does not stop there. The geographical bricolage (to put it kindly) of this movie incorporates London, the aforementioned Central Asian republic, random locales in China, Hong Kong, and some general-domain "Africa," the kind with zebras, wise tribal men and a mandatory "primitive" drum-beat soundtrack. Through all of these landscapes, Lara and her morally questionable and steroid-enhanced sidekick, with just the faintest whiff of the IRA about him, fly and glide like white gods. Really. You get all these shots of amazed locals who are shocked and awed by the incredible stunts of these two uber-white people doing everything the "white man" was mythologized as capable of in old colonial narratives--flying, fire in the sky, shit like that. And the flip side of the narrative is in place as well; the movie is filled with exotic "others" none of whom have names or really any role in the plot except to serve as human foliage and spew their respective cultural stereotypical "words of wisdom" when engaged in dialogue by Lara Croft, who in apparent fits of glossalia, is able to communicate with, like, whoever. For me the most amazing moment in the movie was the following scene: A random family in Hong Kong (or is it China? I am not sure, because this movie has a well-oiled reified "Oriental" aesthetic that is as monolithic as Leibnitz's monads) is sitting in their decrepit lower-class/Third World quarters, watching Sponge Bob Square Pants, in one of many flashes of "global culture"/monoculture in the movie (where, btw, it's unclear whether they are some attempt at social critique (but prolly not), a complicit wink to status quo masquerading as verisimilitude, or keeping the movie's finger on the pulse of what's actually going on, or a way to get an American child to laugh, delightedly and moronically and point at the screen and create a little syllogism in his little head that Asian people watch Bob Square Pants too, so we are all really the same! or product placement). Lara barges in, flying through the window or something. She, like, needs a TV set ASAP to transmit the images of the orb that holds the key to Pandora's box that, in turn, holds the plague that is the essence of anti-life or something that some Nobel-Prize winning scientist wants to sell to bioterrorists for murky, Stupid-Nietzschean reasons, so she's all like, can I use your TV set? Then we get shot after shot of completely transfixed Asian family passively watching as Lara fucks around with their TV, literally taking BUBBLE GUM out of the little girl's mouth to aid her in her jerririgging. Lara gets the TV to do whatever high-tech gadget thing that is required by the plot, and as increasingly ridiculous and trippy events unfold, including her having a vision of the Cradle of Life from the title (where the Box in question supposedly resides) that is primal and tribal in some fucked-up Clan-of-the-Cave-Bear collective-memory type way. The family watches the feats of the milky-white, stratosphere-of-upper-class Lara as she transforms their TV from a source of lowest-common-denominator US cultural phenomenon to a portal of Knowledge about the Mystery of Life (pivoting around a classical Ancient Greek myth, like can you get more uber-Western than that?). Then she casts off her cloak and gives it to the little girl (barter for bubble gum, perchance?) and hops off to Africa, leaving the little girl to relay the message to her Questionable Companion that "[Lara] went to Kilimanjaro to play with the elephants."
I will spare you a long rant on "Africa: the Lara Croft version." Suffice to say that in another weird mixed-message globalization moment, the first time we encounter Lara's Bushman guide, he is driving in a Jeep or a Landrover in full tribal getup, talking on a cell phone. Ethnic wisdom is dispensed, disregarded by foolish white men, but heeded by Lara, as the random African tribe proves to be helpful because it is endowed with all the "positive" stereotypes projected onto "white man's burden" in colonial discourse--"they" are intuitive/spiritial/close to nature/ying to the yang of Western Rationality, and therefore they speak in platitudes worthy of Confucius Lite (shit, wrong continent, but the movie does not seem to care, so why should I?). So Pandora's box is found at the Heart of Darkness and moral crises ensue and are resolved and the world is safe. Then follows the coda "humor" of the reunion between Lara and her two assistants that are being dressed/painted in the traditional tribal way, and it turns out they are unaware that they are being prepped for a marriage ceremony. Cuz those wacky natives wanna marry the white people so bad! So they flee the threatening interpollation in abject horror. It was just incredible to watch. I do recommend the movie, though. I really do. It could have used a lot less character development, but otherwise, it is an experience. So experience it! Just make sure you smoke a lot first.
