![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
slumlord: the saga continues
Feb. 27th, 2003 01:53 amearlier this evening:
i am hanging out with charlie, whom i have not seen in over a week, and he's had a pretty rough week, when there is a knock on the door. who could it be? who is behind our door that has on it a bastard door handle, one capricious deadbolt lock that decides when it opens based on its own mysterious whims and cycles, and something called a "police lock" that's not a lock but like this weird shrub in the door that also has a picture of the eye from Illuminatus (presumably; in actuality it looks like Darwin fish that got its legs amputated, so, I guess like a Jesus fish in the final analysis) with an inscription under it that says "magic eye"? you guessed--it's our landlord, whose m.o. you may remember from such entries as ghettolandlords.com and nuncstans' last couple of entries. he is wearing only one pair of glasses today, so i imagine he inhabits a fuzzier, gentler world than he normally does, but does this make him any more agreeable or amendable? does it? two guesses, first one does not count. that's right, it does not. he comes to fiddle with the heat (our apartment is like a rollercoaster ride of temperatures, with alternating simulated experiences of Eskimo country and the Seringetti), and i tell him what the price quote on the door was. at first he tells me that if i can knock down the price to a $1000 then it's doable. then he immediately backtracks and says that if we want the door so badly we will have to split it. then he gets all aggro, huffs and puffs and in lieu of blowing the house down he tells me that he is in charge of all decisions and that he can decide whether or not the metal door will go up and that if we don't like the way things are run around here, we can all find a different place to live. this posturing is bracketed by insane assertions that he could easily find tenants that will pay more rent. and he does not think we need a door. and that he is not trying to cry on my shoulder because "[I] don't have a shoulder to cry on." i tell him that he wouldn't want all 6 of us to move out, and that it's not just me that wants the door, but that i am speaking for all of us (since downstairs neighbour #1 tries to avoid talking to him on account of a strong unceasing urge to punch him, and downstairs neighbour # 2 gets really upset, with good reason, since she got robbed and her room got vandalized the worst the last time someone broke in here). he sputters some slumlord version of "whatevah, i do what i want, respect mah authority" and is basically channelling cartman in a big way. i tell him that we like living here, but that we just want to feel safe, and that is our right as tenants. he aggroes that he knows all the laws, to which i retort that we know our rights and that a right to a safe living environment is one that we have. he acts belligerent for a couple more minutes then leaves. five minutes later my cell phone rings. guess who? no, really. okay, to end the suspense, it's the landlord again. he tells me that i should start looking for a new place to live. i am kind of taken aback and annoyed, so i am like "no." and he is like "i don't want you living here." and i am like "i have a lease." and he is like "bye."
later:
now i am all pissed off and stressed out. not much of a coda, i know, but kind of a cliffhanger, no? stay tuned for the next exciting installment of landlard: human waste, the series. sure to follow soon.
i am hanging out with charlie, whom i have not seen in over a week, and he's had a pretty rough week, when there is a knock on the door. who could it be? who is behind our door that has on it a bastard door handle, one capricious deadbolt lock that decides when it opens based on its own mysterious whims and cycles, and something called a "police lock" that's not a lock but like this weird shrub in the door that also has a picture of the eye from Illuminatus (presumably; in actuality it looks like Darwin fish that got its legs amputated, so, I guess like a Jesus fish in the final analysis) with an inscription under it that says "magic eye"? you guessed--it's our landlord, whose m.o. you may remember from such entries as ghettolandlords.com and nuncstans' last couple of entries. he is wearing only one pair of glasses today, so i imagine he inhabits a fuzzier, gentler world than he normally does, but does this make him any more agreeable or amendable? does it? two guesses, first one does not count. that's right, it does not. he comes to fiddle with the heat (our apartment is like a rollercoaster ride of temperatures, with alternating simulated experiences of Eskimo country and the Seringetti), and i tell him what the price quote on the door was. at first he tells me that if i can knock down the price to a $1000 then it's doable. then he immediately backtracks and says that if we want the door so badly we will have to split it. then he gets all aggro, huffs and puffs and in lieu of blowing the house down he tells me that he is in charge of all decisions and that he can decide whether or not the metal door will go up and that if we don't like the way things are run around here, we can all find a different place to live. this posturing is bracketed by insane assertions that he could easily find tenants that will pay more rent. and he does not think we need a door. and that he is not trying to cry on my shoulder because "[I] don't have a shoulder to cry on." i tell him that he wouldn't want all 6 of us to move out, and that it's not just me that wants the door, but that i am speaking for all of us (since downstairs neighbour #1 tries to avoid talking to him on account of a strong unceasing urge to punch him, and downstairs neighbour # 2 gets really upset, with good reason, since she got robbed and her room got vandalized the worst the last time someone broke in here). he sputters some slumlord version of "whatevah, i do what i want, respect mah authority" and is basically channelling cartman in a big way. i tell him that we like living here, but that we just want to feel safe, and that is our right as tenants. he aggroes that he knows all the laws, to which i retort that we know our rights and that a right to a safe living environment is one that we have. he acts belligerent for a couple more minutes then leaves. five minutes later my cell phone rings. guess who? no, really. okay, to end the suspense, it's the landlord again. he tells me that i should start looking for a new place to live. i am kind of taken aback and annoyed, so i am like "no." and he is like "i don't want you living here." and i am like "i have a lease." and he is like "bye."
later:
now i am all pissed off and stressed out. not much of a coda, i know, but kind of a cliffhanger, no? stay tuned for the next exciting installment of landlard: human waste, the series. sure to follow soon.
